What Will Never Be
by oxymorongurl127
Summary: The first time Edward meets Bella, he tries to kill her. She doesn't die and becomes a vampire! Will they end up together or will Bella be horrified by what Edward did to her? Story's better than the summary... please read & review! Rating might change
1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**Music Mood: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day**

_My shadow's only one that walks beside me,_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating,_

_Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me,_

'_Till then I walk alone…_

The song ran through my head over and over as I sat in the biology room waiting for class to start. It fit me almost perfectly, except that my shallow heart doesn't beat, I thought to myself. It almost made me smile, thinking those morbid thoughts as I studied the pattern of the faux granite lab table. Feeling morose, I tapped out the melody line with my right hand on the tabletop.

"You're hiding again…" a little voice in my head said. I frowned and silenced it with electric guitars and drums. It was something that Alice had mentioned earlier that day – that I retreated into myself and hid from the outside world. She hadn't mentioned it again since then, but it still gnawed at my mind. And the thing was, the only reason it bothered me so much was because it was completely true.

I was sitting at my desk, brooding like that, when it hit me. It was like a slap in the face. No, like a sledgehammer. And it was… a scent. A fantastic scent, so mouth-wateringly delicious that venom welled in my mouth. I forced myself to swallow it and took a shallow breath. Immediately, every muscle in my body tensed, leaving me as stiff as a board. So, I did the only logical thing and stopped breathing. My throat burned with the lingering memory, a burn triggered only by the thirst for blood. Slowly, I forced my head upwards, searching for the source of the smell. What I found was a girl. She was maybe 17, and beautiful. Her skin was a pale, pale white rivaled only by mine and her dark brunette hair was pin straight and smooth. I didn't notice any of that, however. I knew something horrible, something absolutely dreadful. She wouldn't be leaving that classroom alive. I would kill her, right there.

_Nobody will know,_ I thought. _Nobody will see. _After all, we were the only 2 in the classroom. Right?

Wrong. I looked around briefly, noting that the classroom was full. There were 16 other students to witness what would happen.

_Okay, _I thought, _change the plan. Just take them out, too._

_17 students and one teacher?_ My conscience finally said, reminding me of it's presence. My resolve wavered. Could I really slaughter that many?

Inadvertently, I took a deep breath.

_YES!_ my brain screamed as the girl's delicious scent filled my lungs. Yes, I could. To get that, I could.

**Authors Note: Okay, so that was really short, but I didn't really want to get TOO much into it. Want more? Then you must... review! I won't post the next chapter, which will have way more, until I get at least 10 reviews! Is that too much to ask?**

**Anyways... anybody that's reading this is probably noticing that it's a little bit different than Midnight Choices (my other fanfic, if u haven't read it). The biggest difference is that Midchoices is mostly in Bella's POV and this one is mostly in Edward's POV. Don't know why... but... yeah. Also, I'm going to do songs to match each chapter... or at least what I think it should be. **


	2. Going Under

**Music Mood: Going Under by Evanescence**

Previously…

_Okay, _I thought, _change the plan. Just take them out, too._

_17 students and one teacher?_ My conscience finally said, reminding me of it's presence. My resolve wavered. Could I really slaughter that many?

Inadvertently, I took a deep breath.

_YES!_ My brain screamed as the girl's delicious scent filled my lungs. Yes, I could. To get that, I could.

Quickly, I stopped breathing again.

_What is her name?_ my conscience asked as I glared at her.

_Who cares?_ I snarled back.

_Bella, _said a third voice. _Her name is Bella._ Great, what was this one now? The voice of reason? And why the hell do I have so many damn voices in my head? But still…

Bella. Beautiful. How true. And who was I to destroy that beauty? To play God and decide who got to die and who got to live? I was nobody. Not human, not dead, not alive. Nothing.

Dammit! No, the question was who was she? This she-devil, summoned straight from my own personal hell to destroy me. Keeping my head down, I glared at her through my eyelashes. The teacher was talking to her, but all I could hear was a dull roar. In a moment I heard my name.

"Edward Cullen." The sound pierced through the predatorial haze of my mind, pulling me back form the brink of letting my instincts take over. My mind gasped for air and logic momentarily took over. When it did, I noticed something dreadful.

There was one seat left in the classroom. And it was next to me.

The girl, Bella, she was doomed. Maybe I would have been able to stop myself before, but not now.

She started to walk towards me. Every step was a death sentence hanging over her head and everybody else in that room.

Momentarily she looked up, catching my eyes. Hers were beautiful – brown, deep, and sparkling. Mine were not – cold, black, and full of anger. Her cheeks flushed a rosy, delicious pink color. It took all my strength and nearly 90 years of cultivated self-control not to leap from the chair and take her, right then and there. My throat burned, the fire renewed. If the thirst itself didn't destroy me, knowing that the cure was a mere 10 feet away surely would. How was this possible? In all my existence, I had never known a need this strong.

She sat down. Every particle in my body screamed to leap at her, to bite that smooth, white flesh of her neck.

No, I finally decided. Not in the classroom. I would just have to resist for the rest of the class period. It had only been… I checked a clock. 2 minutes. How could that be true? It felt like it had been an eternity. And I still had 58 minutes left.

Glaring at her didn't make me feel any better. And then, to make matters worse, she SHOOK HER HAIR OUT! It made a curtain between her face and my piercing glare, but also sent a wave of her scent washing over me. Every single one of my muscles tensed in a predatorial instinct. I gripped the bottom of my chair, pulverizing the edge of the wooden seat. Before anybody could see, I quickly let go.

I needed to distract myself, and quickly. Before I could give myself another chance to lose it completely.

_Maybe you don't have to kill her here, _whispered a voice in my head. _Wait until you're outside, when nobody else is around. Then only one will die…_

_That's one to many, _my conscience reminded me. Nobody should die because of me, least of all an innocent girl.

_I can't not do it, _my brain shot back. _Please, God, just let me get through this class period without hurting anybody, _I silently prayed.

An hour later, the bell rang. Never before in my life had there been a more blessed sound. I grabbed my book bag and, as humanly as possible, sprinted from the room to escape from Bella Swan. I ran to the first place I could think of – behind the school building. From there I called Alice's cell phone.

"Hey, Edward, what's up?" she answered cheerily before the first ring.

"I can't drive home today. I'm going to walk Take my car, the keys are in my locker. Okay?" I replied, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

"Okay, Edward," she said, sounding surprised. Of course she hadn't seen this, the only thing that she had been paying attention to all day was Jasper's future.

I thanked her, trying not to sound _too_ relieved. She already knew that something was up, but I didn't need to tip her off any more than I already had. What I needed was time, so I couldn't drive them home. I needed time to think and to plan.

Without the smell of Bella drilling into my mind, it was much easier to think clearly. The memory of the scent dimmed in my mind, but only slightly. The memory of the scent dimmed in my mind, enough to make it seem far more trivial. Could it _really_ have been that bad? Perhaps I had just gone to long without hunting…

Deep inside, however, past the excuses, I knew that it was wrong. It was _her_, her blood. No outside source or random anomaly had done this, it was only her. And the worst part was, she had no idea what had even happened. All she knew was that I hated her. Anybody could have figured that out by the blackest of black glares that I had aimed at her the entire class period.

By then I had made my decision. There was no way that I could stay in the same class as her and not kill her. Therefore, I would switch classes. I didn't want to kill Bella, and it seemed as if avoiding her would be the only solution to my problem.

Sighing, I checked my cell phone. The last class of the day had just gotten out, so I could now go to the office to have my classes changed. I pocketed my cell phone and went to the office.

Once inside, I was assaulted by the thoughts of the receptionist. Why she thought it appropriate to imagine me without a shirt on, I'll never know. Forging ahead, I attempted to block her.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen. What Can I do for you?" She asked politely, masking her thoughts well.

"I had a question about switching biology class," I explained.

"Is the work to difficult for you?"

"No," I practically snorted.

"Ah. Too easy, then?"

"Not particularly," I lied.

"Is it the teacher, then?"

"No, it's not. I only would like to know if there is any way for me to be put in a different biology class," I finally snapped.

"Mr. Cullen, you are in the most advanced biology class that you can possibly be in at the time being. There is nowhere else to go." As she said this, the door opened, sending a blast of wind through the room. Immediately I became aware of what I hadn't been a moment ago – Bella Swan had entered the room. Quickly, I sucked in my breath once again. It would be so _easy _to take her right then, the only thing standing in my way was that irksome receptionist.

"Very well, then, I can see that it's not possible. Thank you so much for your help," I hissed without breathing as I quickly left the room.

So, she had survived a second encounter with me. I was certain that she wouldn't survive a third however. My will was quickly beginning to crumble and the only hope for her survival would be if she didn't encounter me again. Unfortunately, that wasn't to happen.

I walked briskly away from the office, headed for the woods. I would be safe in there and Bella would be safe from me. From the office door the bell tied to the handle jingled merrily once again, signaling that Bella had left the building.

_Go to your car! _I mentally screamed at her. _Ignore me, just go to your car if you want to live! _I was almost to the woods, almost home free, when she ruined it.

"Edward!" She called. I froze in my tracks.

_No! _My brain screamed. _Why is she doing this?! _I could hear her jogging to catch up with me.

"Edward, what did I do?" she asked once she reached me. "What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

I considered my options. I could run away, sparing her life but forcing my family to leave Forks. I could walk away, risking her life but letting my family stay. I could tell the truth, thereby having to kill her.

_Ah, screw it. _

I chose the third. My mind had finally slipped into the predatorial haze that I had been fighting all day long.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Perhaps I could explain myself?" I said, my voice suddenly hypnotically smooth. I gestured to a trail in the forest. "Care to walk with me?"

She was dumbstruck.

And she came.

**Authors Note...**

**Okay, sorry, looks like you're in for another cliffie... so... therefore, you must review! Let's try to make it to... hmm... 25? Probably won't but... oh well. **

**And just for the future, don't expect 2 updates in one day. Actually, it's more like 3 updates in one day becuase I ALSO updated my other story. I've practically spent all day on the computer! Which I don't feel bad about, by the way, because it only just rained all day. What's the point of summer when you don't even get good weather?**

**Review if you love me!**


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